The Shawzbear Chronicles

First 5 mile run…..(would post more, must vomit….)

As I stumble, rumble and bumble my way through another set of intervals, I find myself occasionally playing a victim.  Wondering why my kids wouldn’t stop beating the tar out of each other until the wee hours of the morning, meaning my run was in the even more wee (wee-er?) hours of the morning.  Wondering why I work a job where I occasionally have to work an early morning shift (making the world a better place to mindlessly entertain yourselves…)  How can I keep this up???

Then reality kicks me in the groin.

I’ve got a good friend whose been going through an extremely rough time with leukemia.  Two lengthy stays here in Edmonton at the U of A, countless rounds of chemotherapy and drugs and always with a huge smile on his face.  Even after coming out of remission and having to start all over again with the chemo, he’d still tell me that “God has a plan for me yet” never once allowing himself or anyone else to show him pity.

We got a call this weekend that he’d taken a turn for the worse.  We arrive at the hospital, and are told that they are just trying to “make him comfortable” now.  His wife is doing her best to put on a brave face, doing predictably poorly at it… and he turns to his wife and tells her “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you”…..

And if anyone is going to prove those doctors wrong, it’ll be him.  The old adage “If I could be half the man…” is often overused, but I can’t think of a more true phrase to describe what his presence in my life has meant to me..his stubborn refusal to give up on life and more importantly living, has inspired everyone around him..

Time to get my chubby butt back on the treadmill, and to try being thankful for the things in life that irk me, because it means those little things in life are all I have to complain about..

This runs for you man

     Alright, things are starting to fall a little in place here.  I’ve set up 3 running days (negotiated might be a better word…thanks hun!) where I can slip away.  I’ve got a plan…1/2 hour intervals one day, 3 mile run the next and a 1 hour run on weekends to start, with weights on alternating days 3 days a week as well. I’ve got the Netflix set up on the ipod, with access to 15 or so seasons of SNL at my disposal (I have a simple sense of humour, I’ve been told). I’ve even got the tight spandex shorts and neon running fanny pack (No, no, no I don’t….but good luck erasing THAT out of your head today)

     Things are going better with the running too.  I’m actually starting to look forward to my runs..it’s nice to be able to shut out the world for a while and go….(although if anyone can tell me when that whole “running high” thing starts to work….)

     CAUSE has started to post more information on the race too….it really is a great cause if my vast legions of readers (Hi Jen!) want to check it out, it’s at www.cause.ca and the 2011 Canmore link on the left side….

It’s funny how life works….it’s very easy to keep to keep up something when life is like a mid 80’s after school special……I come home from work, the kids in their uniforms singing Mary Poppins songs, while a gourmet 3 course meal is waiting.  Then my 2.5 children all line up neatly, to go to bed at 7, to get a good 14 hours of non-interrupted sleep, whilst I train…

Uh huh.

Disney never accounted for teething, potty training, giraffe tossing, drop kicking, tantruming, screaming or trying for an hour to convince your daughter that green beans ARE indeed food…

So instead of being relaxed and looking forward to the run, I am one runny nose away from the Fudgee-O’s…I finally tuck my eldest into bed, wondering how I’m going to drag my pear shaped mass to the treadmill, when all I want to do now is pass out and consume roughly 1 cubic yard of Cheetos. She sits up, gives me a big hug and says “Dad, I love you…you’re awesome!)”

That’s how….

So I’ve come to a hard realization, that running to near death won’t be enough, especially if I keep eating quintuple baconators.  As much as I like eating, my teenage metabolism has long, long since gone away…and been replaced with ear hair. 

Meals at home have never been a problem, as I’m blessed with a lovely wife who makes healthy suppers already….  (probably the only reason I haven’t had numerous heart attacks!) The main problem is that whilst at work, I enjoy much of the finer things in Tim Hortons…I mean life.  But what to do?  Lots and lots of books and videos have been released promising fantastic results if I only eat nothing but grapefruit, or bacon…So after much deliberation, I’ve decided on the “looks like me” diet plan..confused?  Allow me to explain…

Let’s say I walk into your standard fancy restaurant, you know one with a fancy one word name…..Wendy’s, Mcdonald’s, KFC (I know it’s an abbreviation, work with me here!) If at least 50% of the people in there have my basic body shape (let’s say…pear) then it’s probably not a good life choice to eat there…seems like a simple enough plan, no?  And if the restaurant is at least 50% unwashed hippie, then it’s probably an excellent life choice….though I probably should watch what I touch…

Now if only Planet Organic sold Baconators…..

Decided to clear all of the clothes of the old treadmill and start off with some intervals today…now for those of you who are reading (Hi Jen!) who aren’t familiar with interval training here is my experience with it:

1st minute – fast walk (hmmn, not soo bad maybe I can do this after all. I can keep this up if only..)
2nd minute – 7mph (One minute of me making face like trying to pass watermelon through colon)
3rd minute – fast walk again (Sweet mother of pearl, why does my chest feel like that…I don’t think I can..)
4th minute – 7mph (NONONONONONONONONOPLEASENONONONONONO)
5th minute – fast-ish stumbling (Dry heaving, followed by hallucinations and empty promises of what I’ll do if somehow God can get me through this)

And so on for 30 minutes…after 30 minutes you hit that runners high you hear so much about!  No, no that never happened…  I’m pretty sure that whole idea is a lie made up by the producers of sport drinks with the words EXTREME…and INSANITY in them.

No, what DID happen though was me making it through…alive.  And I think that’s a pretty good start, all things considered.

So here’s the deal…we’ve all had that moment, right around New Years.  You know…
“This year is going to be different! I’m finally going to give up (smoking, drinking, main lining Black Tar Heroin….etc)”

Well, I’m no different than any other man (insert caption here).  So I made my bed, and now I’m going to lie in it…..

September 11th, my Brother In Law and I are going to run a half length marathon. 13.1 miles. All in  ONE day! Without going all Rosie Ruiz on it….(I’m old, look it up yourself on your new fangled inter-webs)

So join me, if you will on my journey to go from the Fast food line, to the finish line at Canmore…we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll probably visit the emergency room once or twice too…