Archive for May, 2015

Some things never change…I’m convinced that whoever penned those words many years ago had to have been in his early 20’s, tops. They certainly couldn’t have been my age! I catch myself quite a bit lately, talking like an old man…something I swore I’d never, ever do. I was going to stay cool forever, drinking slurpees and eating pop rocks until the day I took the eternal dirt nap. But more and more now, I catch myself dropping gems like this:

Who’s killing those cats, and why are they doing it with a sack of dying cats? Back in MY day, band members could actually play their instruments! (Granted, all 6 of them were playing synthesizers, but that’s besides the point).

You know what the problem with Google is? They know too much about you..I spent an hour in the bathroom one evening, and when I came out, the Google ads were all for Metamucil and Weetabix.

6 dollars for a cup of coffee?! Back in my day, you got all the coffee you could drink for 50 cents, and they brought it to you! (Now granted, that coffee wasn’t a low fat, low sodium, Mocha Frappachino with extra Soy whip and sprinkles, but its the principal!)

What am I doing tonight? Chiropractors going to pop the ‘ol hip back into place…than a nice long bath. Going to be great!

Yeah, that Camaro’s alright…but I’d really love a Prius. That sweet rides gets 100 miles to the gallon!

How do I play this stupid game? I just don’t get all these controls…all you really ever need is two buttons, shoot and jump.

When did they start making the print on these newspapers so freaking small? (The real problem of course, being that my arms just aren’t long enough anymore…)

It 10:30 already?? I’d better call it a night, I have to work tomorrow…

Get off my lawn!! (OK, haven’t said that one yet, but that day can’t be far off)